High Fashion Briefs

high-fashion-underwearFuck you, Calvin Klein and the horse you rode in on! All your cronies at Emporio Armani and Hugo Boss can chow down on a bowl of choad chowder too. What’s up with the $30 underwear, asshole? Does the first half of my last sentence even matter to anyone making over $200k a year…probably not. But think about this numb nuts, all you do is get poop remnants, pee driplets, skeet residue and ball sweat in underwear. It’s not like the fine linen on your nuts is going to be used at a formal gala to get lobster bisque or balsamic vinaigrette off your face.

This is probably another reason why our economy sucks. Instead of saving for your kids’ college fund or donating to an orphanage, you’re out buying underwear that you think will make your abs look perfect and your hair grow back with auburn highlights. Ladies, I know your underwear is much pricier and the potential for you to ruin them much higher. So, if you’re also on this $30+ underwear kick, you can drink a glass of cyanide whenever you wish. Because while you’re burning all your money on underwear, you could be spending it to get your miss-stache waxed or paying for dinner every once in a while.

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