The Double Date

There are few forced social situations that are more awkward than the dreaded double date.  As if going out and having a good time isn’t hard enough sometimes.  Now, somehow, some way our society has deemed it appropriate for four people to have dinner, most usually when two of the parties involved have never met the other.  I’m sorry…what?  This little nuance alone is enough to explain the divorce rate in America.

During this little outing, it’s guaranteed that at least one person would rather be doing something else, eating somewhere else, or be around other people.  It’s almost like being on a date with the person/people you don’t know rather than the person you’re in a relationship with.  It’s like an unsolicited interview for a new friend that didn’t bring a resume.  So, now you’re forced to dig for common ground and waste your best anecdotes and provide so much background that it diminishes the quality of the story.  It’s also likely this shitty interview could land some turd a permanent place in your social circle depending on your significant other’s relationship with their partner.

Heaven forbid that you have drawn conclusions about your partner’s friend or friend’s significant other before the date.  Then, it’s just a matter of time before an long, awkward pause is followed by an even more awkward wrap-up of the evening.  Chances are 50/50 this scenario or the former will play out.  So, good luck either way.  A few remedies for the situation include:

•    A flask and a few trips to the restroom
•    Start an argument about how lame it is before you go in hopes of make-up sex
•    Alienate the person you don’t know in hopes they never want to hang out again
•    Offendthe opposite party’s sensibilities; farting and not excusing yourself is my favorite

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