The Unsolicited Hookup

Ever buy something in the mall that required someone to bring it to your attention?  I’m not talking about you shopping for a suit and the salesperson alerts you to all the deals and offers sound advice.  No, no, no.  I’m talking about that pushy asshole on the main drag with the kiosk.  They’re always pushing one of four things: some sort of moisturizer, a household-cleaning product, designer knockoff anything, or useless electronic nonsense.  My favorites are the stands with the belt buckles with digital marquees and the ones with 30 inch clip on ponytails.
Now apply the mall scene to the dating scene.  It should be a seamless transition.  The pushy vendors are your friends that are peddling other single friends like cocaine at the NFL combine.  “Oh, c’mon.  Just go on one date.”  That’s how it starts.  Next thing you know, you’re not even trying on your own anymore, and you’ve got a surplus of useless acquaintances.  Sound familiar?  Just think about that person you know that only buys shit when it’s solicited to them.  Everything major and minor purchase they make is based on a commercial or a pushy salesperson.  Infomercials, cheesy smiles, and demonstrations are all that’s necessary to get them hooked.

The unsolicited hookup is a gateway to laziness.  Next thing you know, you’ll be paying for ass.  So, watch a few episode of ‘The Pickup Artist’, brush your fuckin teeth, and find a mate before your parents see you on cops crying in your Prius because you got caught with a pre-op hooker.

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