Tip These…!

Hey bartender!  Get your eyes off those underage D-cups and get your ass over here!  I’d like a drink before prohibition is revamped.  Bartenders are definitely in that category of lazy asshole with easy job.  I don’t want to generalize, but my hand has been forced by years of shitty service.  Every time I go to a bar, I’m tempted to pull a Seth Rogen (scene in ‘Knocked Up’ when he gets his own beer) because some putz in skinny jeans is moving slower than a snail on downers.
What does your entire job consist of?  Get glass, get ice, mix liquid, collect money, give drink.  Most of you don’t even have to restock the bar.  You have a team of jerks too inept to mix the drinks to do that for you that actually just add to the pandemonium.  They’re almost as snobby as you, replying ‘I’m a bar back’ as if it took 17 years of training under a master to be able to fetch ice and kegs.  Fuck you too!  If trained chimps can help take care of quadriplegics, 90% of you should check your work ethic pronto!

After all the attitude and slow movement, you pricks want tips!  Tip??? Pardon me?  Tip these nuts!  You want me to give you my hard earned scratch for getting a beer out of a cooler and opening the bottle.  Thanks but no thanks, hot shot!  I’d rather have King Kong crush my balls with his thumb and forefinger.  I can’t imagine an easier job.  If you do that 100 times in an hour, an easy feat, you’re making more money than me.  By the way, I have two degrees, a superiority complex, and the skills to back it up.  But maybe I should trade all that in for a Bally’s membership, tight t-shirt, douche baggy gelled up hairstyle, and a job at my local watering hole.

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