Funky Friends

NoseDid you ever tell someone they stink, their breath stinks, or anything of the sort?  If so, give yourself a pat on the back!  You would think you were doing the person a favor as long as you weren’t an over-dramatic bitch about it.  Why wouldn’t you tell someone you call a friend that they have more boogers than a sick horse, that their ears have more earwax than an old man in a coma, or that their breath is hotter than a wood burning stove?  Other than being a spiteful little prick, there aren’t any acceptable answers to that question other than, “I would.”

Our parents, teachers, and the parents of the smelly fucker in the front row in third grade told us it was rude every time we were trying to help out.  I beg to differ with these experts on interpersonal relationships.  They’re going about it all wrong.  I would much rather be the kid that is conscious about my hygeine to avoid: smelling like a rat fart that was set on fire, having breath worse than truck stop toilet, or having more boogers than a lid of rubber cement.  If everyone just told the fucking truth, that kid would take a bath and blow their nose instead of developing a complex and going on a shooting spree before they grew any pubes.

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