Borrower’s Remorse

Did you bring your puppy to work?  No?  You don’t even have a puppy?  Then what the fuck, sir, is the deal with this?  I thought I let you borrow a pen earlier.  What you just handed me looks like a used coffee stirrer.  But that can’t be the case because there’s ink in it, and it has what use to be a cap that wasn’t covered in dry spit and tooth marks.  So, I guess my next question should be, “What the fuck, man?!?!”  Is this how you repay people when they do you favors, asshole?  If I let you borrow my car, would you bring it back with dents that you kicked into it yourself and a smashed windshield?  Or how about I let you stay at my place if you lose your job, and you punch holes in my walls and shit on my rugs?  Maybe the next time you ask me to borrow something, I’ll just give you the finger and a quick toodle-loo.

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