Archive for the ‘Politics’ category

Why I Hate the News

September 20, 2009

Fuck the news! I hate it, specifically TV news! I feel like committing suicide every time these no-talent, name-calling assholes discuss any topic. Why? Because the facts take a backseat to the engineered back-and-forth between people that couldn’t make an unbiased remark with the looming threat of decapitation for motivation. These cock bars they invite onto the shows usually have nothing of substance to add to the conversation outside of performing verbal felatio on behalf of someone that didn’t send them to speak on their behalf in the first place.

Is there any talent involved in this job other than not farting on the air and looking somewhat sophisticated, even if you sound like a retarded coyote on ecstasy when you speak [content reference, not vocal]? I doubt it! All you have to do is call your rival hacks names and highlight why everybody else is wrong [except you]. Of course, this is before you get busted for popping pills or beating your 3rd spouse. Then, you fuckers get holier than thine selves until you get your sponsors back. Define clusterfuck!

Only in the country I love [most of the time] can you become wealthy based solely on co-mingling facts [often blatantly altered] with closed-minded personal opinions and an uncanny ability to bully your counterparts by talking over them for millions a year. I’d definitely consider walking in front of a high-speed train before becoming comfortable with obtaining that level of douchery! Stay classy if you think you can manage.

Just Saying…Who Cares?

June 5, 2009

Just Saying - Who CaresCNN Does It, Again

Seriously, CNN?  This is more disappointing than Who gives a damn about the president’s reading habits as long as the country remains less fucked than it would have been if coke head McGee was still in the office?  Maybe the fact that Bush read so many books a year and took more vacation than any other president has a lot to do with why he was such a bad decision maker.  I guess if you don’t have anything to report, you just start from the bottom of the list of shit people care about. Just saying…

The McCain Shuffle

May 11, 2009

McCain DanceI’m too busy to take care of my most important priority.  Wait a minute…does that make any sense?  Easy answer: NO!  Who the hell stops running at the end marathon to get their fucking dry cleaning or go see a movie?  It’s quite possibly the most illogical strategy ever employed to achieve any goal, but it’s still remarkably popular.  Just look back to the 2008 Presidential Race when John McCain abandoned his campaign to “be available”.  WTF, John?  Now your lame ass strategy is catching on, and there’s no end in sight.

Because of you, people in my life are dropping the ball left and right to do shit that’s beyond unimportant.  My boss asks me to put high priority shit on hold to see what people want for lunch.  My girlfriend wants me to stop saving for a house to buy an engagement ring.  My landlord wants me to stop paying my rent to back him in a dice game.  Worst of all, the news wants me to pay attention to the fucking swine flu instead of our shitty economy.  This is your fault, Johnny boy, and there’s only one way to make it right.  It’s just too bad no one gives a damn what you do anyway.

Press Conferences

May 1, 2009

What a fucking sham and a half, the press conference.  You’re up there pretending to be open and press-conferencehonest.  All the while you’re choosing the people that ask the questions.  Of 50 to 100 people in the room, you choose like 10 tops.  Why even let the other people in?  Who the hell couldn’t look good in that situation anyway?  They’d never allow this shit in college.  Do you think anybody would fail Calculus if they got to choose the question on the test?  That shit would never fly during an interrogation either.  Ask Dick Cheney.

You bastards just pick the reporter with a reputation for not ruffling too many feathers, and yank their credentials like a fucking parachute ripcord the second they ask a tough question.  And how about that teleprompter…another cheat.  As long as you have good posture, you’ll look like a public speaking rock star.  The damn thing is positioned in front of and at 30 degree angles off the podium to simulate eye contact with the crowd.  Enough of this trickery!  It’s like those girls with big chests that wear a shit ton of makeup.  I don’t want to look at your eye shadow, dammit!  Stop distracting me with your lies!

Lastly, what’s with the group of grim-faced cheerleaders in the back of the room?  Are they standing in for the President’s parents?  Do they give him a pat on the back and a juice box at the end of the conference?  Or maybe they’re living, breathing lifelines he can use in case he gets in a jam.  Nothing like having a Treasury Secretary or Four Star General on hand if you don’t know your shit.  And if all else fails, just say you’ll get back to the reporter and take another question.