Posted tagged ‘old’

Just Saying…Health Advice From Old People is No Good

August 13, 2009

Health Advice from Old People

Has someone that’s older than the sun, out of shape like a square pizza, or heavier than glass of Guinness tried to give you health advice?  I’m sorry, but that’s dumber than two blind guys navigating the ocean without GPS.  I mean, you’d never see Lou Ferrigno and somebody on The Biggest Loser doing the same workout. Specifically, dietary advice is a no no across 35 years or 85+ pound variances between the parties involved in the conversation, unless one of those individuals has a freak genetic disorder.

I guarantee you that cute, 95 pound girl at the Gap and the big guy working at Auntie Anne’s shouldn’t be sharing advice about sugar and cholesterol intake.  She can eat whatever the hell she wants, including a pound of animal fat and will burn that shit off in her sleep.  You on the other hand should start walking to work, eating and drinking spinach ONLY, as well as exercising in your sleep [figure it out]. This is very similar to a kid telling their grandparents they need a full 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night.  Shutup, Suzy…I guarantee you the last thing on your 89 year old grandfather’s mind is going to sleep.  So, save your 3rd grade health teacher’s advice for your dimwitted pals on the jungle gym.  Your grandparents are trying to stretch the time, not wait for the grim reaper with open arms and an apple pie.

Old People & Technolgy

July 1, 2009

Old-People-and-Technology

Only the strong survive.  So, put down the mouse and step the fuck back, or learn how to use that F1 key, punk bitch!  I don’t have all day to send something to you for review, get it back with your “updates” [very un-fucking-helpful changes], and then correct all the fuck ups you contributed to my formatting.  Nice work, tiny Tim, you have now, at the very least, doubled the time it takes to review a document.  How about you stick to writing on paper and leave typing to the pros.  I know we’ve had keyboards for a while now, but you’re worse than a caveman trying to make fire in a hurricane. 

Old-People-Technology-=-Oil-Water

I’d be more sympathetic if you weren’t such a cocky jerk about it, claiming you’ll take care of it.  I’d have better luck putting my laptop in a dishwasher because you’re more illiterate than Helen Keller before the Miracle Worker showed up.  I bet you wouldn’t be such a fucking know-it-all if we were talking about skydiving safety or how to properly masturbate with a flaming glove on.  I bet you’d listen to my instructions like I was telling the secret of how to get into Megan Fox’s panties without being handsome or rich.  If that’s not up your alley, or you’re into penis and can’t think of a substitute of the opposite sex, then you’re beyond hopeless.  And that leaves us where we began…you’re a douche that refuses to adapt.  Take your old ass to the shuffleboard court before I double-click you up and down the nearest  flight of stairs.